guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
