I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
