I think I am morally bankrupt
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
