Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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