I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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