It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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