my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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