I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
