Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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