im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
