I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
