I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
