Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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