so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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