Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well I just put wine in my tea
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
