i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i came on her dog
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
