Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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