a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
