Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
