does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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