Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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