90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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