Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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