i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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