yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
