If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
