On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
