Farmville is her only friend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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