hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
