is your mom at the bar?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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