When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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