Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
