I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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