When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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