my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
