I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
