i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
