"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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