stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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