Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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