I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
