i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
