Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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