yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
