My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
