worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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