We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
