Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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