Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
