Ambien. No doubt about it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
