WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
