Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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