I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
