Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
