I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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