Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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