R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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