listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
