no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
