Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
