if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
