are you still at the devil's house?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
His nipple licking is glorious
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