He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize