I love black thongs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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