Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
