BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize