At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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