remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
