i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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