two words: eviction party
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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