well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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