They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
