He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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