The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
