Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
