Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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