I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize
