Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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