i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
