what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
