I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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