If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize