My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
