I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
