Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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