I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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