Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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