just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
