I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize