I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
