Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
