Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
