I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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