Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
