Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
