im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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