Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
