Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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