your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
love makes seman taste better
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
