he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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