Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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