If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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