do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
